Ten signs that you might be a trixie

October 4th, 2007 12:14 pm

Yesterday we explored the horrible disease known as douchebagnamonia. Today we’ll explore the related disease that is most often found in women called trixieoma. Known as trixies, women with this disease can often act like their male counterpart, but some of the symptoms are different.

For those of you unaware of what a trixie is, I point you in the direction of this Wikipedia entry:

Trixies are typically depicted as “social climbing, marriage-minded, money-hungry young ladies that seem to flock to the upwardly-mobile neighborhood of Lincoln Park. Another description calls them “the women with Kate Spade bags for every day of the week; the ex-sorority girls still lusting after big, dumb jocks; the women who go to law school to find husbands.”

 They’re extremely easy to spot and oftentimes can be even more annoying that those effected by douchebagnomonia. But, before we go into the symptoms, it’s important to note again what to do if you find yourself having any of the signs of trixieoma.

Chances are that if you exhibit only one or two symptoms you are not a trixie. However, I would print out this checklist and continue to monitor your symptoms. If you do exhibit more than one symptom it is best to try and get the necessary treatment lest you become a stupid bimbo.

If you exhibit between 3-5 symptoms I would consult your physician immediately. In the most severe cases both clinical rehabilitation and medicinal treatment is required. The sooner you act the sooner you can get better.

Unfortunately, women that show more than five symptoms of this disease are not riduculed like males who show the same number of symptoms of douchebagnamonia. A full-fledged trixie is often a favorite target of the male population. What typically occurs is a full-fledged trixie ends up marrying and procreating with a full-fledged douchebag. They go on to create an army of trixie and douchebag children and the cycle continues.

This is also just another reason to allow abortion, but that’s a topic for another day.

ANYWAY, as you can imagine, trixies must be stopped before the world is overpopulated with these creatures. Since a trixie is too stupid to see the symptoms herself, it’s important you be on the lookout for them. If you have a friend who starts to show the signs of trixieoma it’s best you get help for them immediately.

The ten symptoms after the break.

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Ten signs that you might be a douchebag

October 3rd, 2007 8:50 am

Below are are the ten most common signs and symptoms of douchebagnamonia. It is important to note that the disease is rarely seen in women. However, women have a similar disease but with different signs and symptoms. It is called Trixieoma. We’ll explore the problems of that disease tomorrow. Today we’ll just focus on douchebagnamonia.

Chances are that if you exhibit only one or two signs you are not a douchebag. However, I would print out this checklist and continue to monitor your symptoms. If you do exhibit more than one symptom it is best to try and get the necessary treatment before you spiral out of control.

If you exhibit between 3-5 symptoms I would consult your physician immediately. In the most severe cases both clinical rehabilitation and medicinal treatment is required. The sooner you act the sooner you can get better.

For those that show more than 5 signs it’s probably best that you kill yourself. Oftentimes when a person shows that many symptoms it’s typically not long before someone finally gets so annoyed by your disease that they beat the crap out of you. Therefore it’s recommended that you simply do the world a favor and take care of it yourself.

Unfortunately,  douchebagnamonia is not 100% curable. There is always the chance that the disease could resurface. Most people that are diagnosed a second time show different symptoms.  That is why it is important to always monitor yourself and make changes to your lifestyle the second you start to become a douchebag. Scientists are baffled as to how the disease hides in the system. Current speculation is that it attaches to the bloodstream and renders itself undetectable.

Continue reading to see if you show any signs of this horrible disease.  

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2007 MLB Playoff Predictions

October 2nd, 2007 8:58 am

Now that the MLB regular season has come to an official close, I figured I’d pull some predictions out of my butt and see how well they do.

Regardless of what happens I think the winner comes out of the AL East. The ALCS between the Yankess and Red Sox will be the “real” World Series and would be one hell of a series to watch.

NLDS
Phillies vs. Rockies: Rockies in 4
Cubs vs. Diamondbacks: Diamondbacks in 3

ALDS
Angels vs. Red Sox: Sox in 3
Indians vs. Yankees: Yankees in 5

NLCS
Diamondbacks vs Rockies: Diamondbacks in 6

ALCS
Red Sox vs. Yankess: Sox in 7

World Series
Diamondbacks vs. Red Sox: Sox in 6

And as the final out is recorded in the World Series, Cubs “fans” realize their team has gone 100 years without winning a world series.

And I laugh.

The British are impatient when it comes to laundry

October 1st, 2007 9:26 am

So, I had an interesting Sunday morning. Read about how I locked myself out of my apartment while doing laundry and almost beat the crap out of a British dude over said laundry.

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Create you own shitty horror movie with this play set

September 28th, 2007 10:47 pm

For just $14.95 plus shipping you can create your own horror movie with this little play set.

From the description:

We provide the victims, you provide the terror! Each dramatic play set includes nine 2-1/2″ to 3″ tall, hard vinyl victims captured in utterly terrified poses! Are they reacting to the advances of a giant, man-eating alpaca or the sight of your grandma in her nightgown and curlers? The possibilities are endless!

The site has quite the variety of other action figures, too.

[Original Source: The Daily Galaxy]

Attn: Cubs fans

September 28th, 2007 10:04 am

Shut. Up. You still think that if the Cubs make it to the post season they actually have a chance of winning? They can’t even win a single game in Miami and you think they could win a 5 game series against the best teams in the N.L.?

Here’s the Cubs record this year against possible teams they’d face in the divisional series:

  • Philadelphia: 3-4 (1-2 on the road)
  • Arizona: 2-4 (1-2 on the road)
  • New York: 2-5 (1-3 on the road)
  • San Diego: 3-5 (1-2 on the road)
  • Colorado: 5- 2 (2-2 on the road)

Yeah, that’s right folks: the Cubs have a losing record against every single team except the Rockies. Combined, the Cubs are 15-20 against N.L. playoff contenders.

Oh, and your best pitcher? The one you’re paying more than $90 million for? Yeah, he’s 3-6 in the last 10 games with a 5.64 ERA. That includes a streak of six straight outings in which he failed to get a win.

The Cubs can barely win one of the shittiest divisions in baseball and you think they’re going to win a series in the post season?

Good luck with that. I laugh at you.

The Rex Grossman conspiracy

September 26th, 2007 11:34 am

By now, anyone interested in the NFL has heard that the Chicago Bears will reportedly start Brian Griese at quarterback on Sunday against the Detroit Lions. What many are asking at this point is, “why?” Why did it take so long to do something that some people thought should have happened over a year ago.

Because the Bears front office is full of monkeys. And not even the cute monkeys. I’m talking about the ugly monkeys that through poop at each other.

Last year an easy schedule, better offensive play calling and a practically injury-free defense allowed the Grossman PR train to keep chugging along. Brainwashed fans kept buying tickets and they would hop aboard a train that made all of the stops except the last one: a Super Bowl victory. Continue Reading »

ICHC Pics of the Week (9/16-9/23)

September 24th, 2007 12:02 pm

I didn’t do this last week for two reasons. 1) I was busy and 2) I didn’t really think anybody cared. However, over the weekend a friend told me, though at first he found the concept stupid, he can’t get enough of the pictures. Seems my lolcat addiction has spread to others. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Nevertheless, I have decided to continue the tradition and after the jump I present to you the top 10 pics from last week.

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Meteorite or Missile: What caused a mysterious illness in a Peru village?

September 24th, 2007 11:03 am

I have my first real post up over at AltGN. It’s about a supposed meterorite that landed near a Peru village and caused illness in over 600 locals. Hop on over there and check out the story and spend some time on the site browsing the other stories as well.

How your tires should not look

September 24th, 2007 9:18 am

As I had mentioned last week I had a friend coming into visit this weekend. We just sort of hung out, ate a lot of food and overall had an uneventful weekend.

However, I did have to attend a family event on Saturday afternoon which was eventful to the tune of $670.75.

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Weekend

September 21st, 2007 8:17 am

Got a friend coming into town this weekend. I’m leaving work at noon today so I won’t be around much.

In the meantime, here are some stories you might find interesting for the weekend:

Have a good weekend everyone!

My geekdom: Let me show you it

September 20th, 2007 9:24 am

I’m going to be working on a group blog with a buddy of mine. I think I was the last person he asked so I don’t feel that important, but I’ll take my opportunities where I can get them.

It’s going to be related to all things “geek” (technology, science, gadgets, gaming, etc). It should be fun and I think it’s an awesome idea. If anything it will help me continue to hone my writing skills.

I’d like to make my site more geared towards stuff like that, it’s just hard because there’s so much information out there and I don’t have time to write about it all. I’m thinking of just doing some posts here and there where I briefly talk about stories that interest me.

I might link over to his site (if he lets me) of some of the stories I write about and post just little odds and ends over here related to said stories.

So, I’ll probably be working on that as well as this site and, oh, right, my real job.

I’m enjoying my position more simply because I’m going to be doing more interesting projects. The problem is I still hate the industry I am in and I really don’t like some of the people I have to work with. And now that one of the senior management is leaving it’s going to be even more difficult, especially if they hire some tool.

I’ll get my big break someday.

Someday.

Oh, Pittsburgh

September 19th, 2007 2:58 pm

Erech, what is wrong with your city?

Santa Claus he’s not, but it didn’t stop Alejandro Valencio from trying to surprise the woman he called his girlfriend.

Yup, you guessed it. The dude was drunk and got stuck. Firefighters had to “rip open the wall” to get him out.

Oh, and it’s also September, not December. Dude’s about three months early.

His girlfriend got so pissed she hit him and even said to the firefighters:

I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die

Make sure you go to the story to check out the awesome video of his girlfriend hitting him with a trash can and beer bottles.

 A winner is you, Pittsburgh!

Some Chicago sports tidbits

September 19th, 2007 9:50 am

Saw two interesting sports stories today:

  • One blogpointed out that Rex Grossman’s stats (56.1% completion rating, 1 TD, 3 INTs and 6 sacks) have led him to a passer rating of 55.1 which is dead last in the league. If you don’t think Brian Griese could at least do better than that you’re as stubborn and stupid as Lovie Smith and the rest of the front office.
  • I noticed an article in today’s RedEye that Mark Cuban was in the right-field bleachers last night to watch the Reds beat the Cubs.  However, according to the article, “Cubs told [Comcast SportsNet] not to show Cuban or even talk about his presence at the park during the telecast. Awww, did poor Marky Mark not wanna deal with the spotlight? What a douche.

Grossman and Cuban in the same city? Get me the fuck out, please.

I might have real work to do soon

September 18th, 2007 2:31 pm

My work load has steadily been increasing as I bitch about doing the boring stuff. But now, it might increase exponentially.

A senior manager within our department just resigned. He handled a lot of the communications we do (both internally and externally). While I’m not poised to take over his position, I can put this to my advantage. With him gone, they need someone to take over a lot of his shit that is pressing (something a new person wouldn’t be able to pick up on right away). That person could be me.

I’ve talked to my boss about it and we both agree it’s a good opportunity for me. We’re poised to go to the V.P. and tell her research just isn’t what I want to be doing anymore and that it would really help further my career if I could take on some of the major projects that need to be done in the absence of a senior manager.

Hell, some of the stuff he’s already passed onto me and I’ve been running with before he even announced his resignation.  

More than likely I’ll be able to manage some of those projects (including a complete overhaul of our company’s website) simply because there is no one else on the team qualified to handle some of it.

There’s a possibility it could lead to a new role for me, like a Generalist role, and I could get out of research. If that’s the case, it could also lead to more money. Which is always good. The only problem is we just hired two Generalists in other cities so we may not need one in Chicago.

The worse thing that could happen is that I take on these projects and have to continue doing the regular research bullshit. If that happens, it will give me some extra bullet points on my resume and might help me land a better job outside of the company. So, it could still prove to be advantageous for me as it will just help bolster my resume. Either way, I don’t want to be doing research in a year from now.

I’ll keep you updated with what happens, but it could be weeks before I learn anything. I just know this is a rare opportunity for me. I have a chance to go into something a little more exciting (advertising/design) and I feel I should jump on it. It may be premature, but I don’t know when another opportunity like this might arise.

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