Archive for the 'Sports' Category

You can’t win championships

Kwummy December 2nd, 2007

If you play like shit.

If Mizzou wins this week

Kwummy November 30th, 2007

I will go nucking futs!

New logo for administering the heimlich maneuver

Kwummy October 17th, 2007

Got this in an email today…

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Stay classy, Cubs fans

Kwummy October 9th, 2007

So, it’s Saturday afternoon. The Cubs are about to face the Diamondbacks in an elimination game. You throw on your Ronnie Woo Woo jersey, grab your Starbucks triple soy milk cafe latte and bust out your Blackberry to email your friends to decide where you want to go for the game.

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2007 MLB Playoff Predictions

Kwummy October 2nd, 2007

Now that the MLB regular season has come to an official close, I figured I’d pull some predictions out of my butt and see how well they do.

Regardless of what happens I think the winner comes out of the AL East. The ALCS between the Yankess and Red Sox will be the “real” World Series and would be one hell of a series to watch.

NLDS
Phillies vs. Rockies: Rockies in 4
Cubs vs. Diamondbacks: Diamondbacks in 3

ALDS
Angels vs. Red Sox: Sox in 3
Indians vs. Yankees: Yankees in 5

NLCS
Diamondbacks vs Rockies: Diamondbacks in 6

ALCS
Red Sox vs. Yankess: Sox in 7

World Series
Diamondbacks vs. Red Sox: Sox in 6

And as the final out is recorded in the World Series, Cubs “fans” realize their team has gone 100 years without winning a world series.

And I laugh.

Attn: Cubs fans

Kwummy September 28th, 2007

Shut. Up. You still think that if the Cubs make it to the post season they actually have a chance of winning? They can’t even win a single game in Miami and you think they could win a 5 game series against the best teams in the N.L.?

Here’s the Cubs record this year against possible teams they’d face in the divisional series:

  • Philadelphia: 3-4 (1-2 on the road)
  • Arizona: 2-4 (1-2 on the road)
  • New York: 2-5 (1-3 on the road)
  • San Diego: 3-5 (1-2 on the road)
  • Colorado: 5- 2 (2-2 on the road)

Yeah, that’s right folks: the Cubs have a losing record against every single team except the Rockies. Combined, the Cubs are 15-20 against N.L. playoff contenders.

Oh, and your best pitcher? The one you’re paying more than $90 million for? Yeah, he’s 3-6 in the last 10 games with a 5.64 ERA. That includes a streak of six straight outings in which he failed to get a win.

The Cubs can barely win one of the shittiest divisions in baseball and you think they’re going to win a series in the post season?

Good luck with that. I laugh at you.

The Rex Grossman conspiracy

Kwummy September 26th, 2007

By now, anyone interested in the NFL has heard that the Chicago Bears will reportedly start Brian Griese at quarterback on Sunday against the Detroit Lions. What many are asking at this point is, “why?” Why did it take so long to do something that some people thought should have happened over a year ago.

Because the Bears front office is full of monkeys. And not even the cute monkeys. I’m talking about the ugly monkeys that through poop at each other.

Last year an easy schedule, better offensive play calling and a practically injury-free defense allowed the Grossman PR train to keep chugging along. Brainwashed fans kept buying tickets and they would hop aboard a train that made all of the stops except the last one: a Super Bowl victory. Continue Reading »

Some Chicago sports tidbits

Kwummy September 19th, 2007

Saw two interesting sports stories today:

  • One blogpointed out that Rex Grossman’s stats (56.1% completion rating, 1 TD, 3 INTs and 6 sacks) have led him to a passer rating of 55.1 which is dead last in the league. If you don’t think Brian Griese could at least do better than that you’re as stubborn and stupid as Lovie Smith and the rest of the front office.
  • I noticed an article in today’s RedEye that Mark Cuban was in the right-field bleachers last night to watch the Reds beat the Cubs.  However, according to the article, “Cubs told [Comcast SportsNet] not to show Cuban or even talk about his presence at the park during the telecast. Awww, did poor Marky Mark not wanna deal with the spotlight? What a douche.

Grossman and Cuban in the same city? Get me the fuck out, please.

What’s with the Rex apologists?

Kwummy September 10th, 2007

I was actually just going to throw this into a random thoughts post but I got on such a roll it turned into a full blown post.

The Bears were down right abysmal on offense Sunday. I don’t want to say “I told you so,” but, well, I told you so. I said from the beginning that without Jones the Bears have nothing consistent on offense. You can argue that Mushin Muhammed is consistent, and he would be, if he had someone other than Rex Grossman throwing him the ball.

And before the Rex apologists show up and bitch that they’re sick of people hating on him let me tell you that it’s just as old hearing everyone make excuses for Rex. Even Troy Aikman (and, of course, the local media) were claiming that the interception he threw wasn’t his fault. I respect Troy Aikman as an announcer, but why he’s trying to kiss Grossman’s ass is beyond me. Watch the replay, even if Berrian would have ran the correct route (which appeared to be slant or an out) the ball still would have been under thrown and most likely still intercepted. The Chargers defender simply slipped under the pass.

But, okay, let’s say it wasn’t his fault. Let’s review the rest of his performance. He again had butterfingers that almost let to a turnover. The ball, literally, bounced the Bears way. He tried to tuck the ball and simply lost the handle while scrambling. Completely inexcusable in a game where conditions were perfect. He blamed that shit on the rain in Miami during the Super Bowl. What’s the excuse now?  Counting the last two preseason games that’s now three games in a row he’s mishandled the ball at some point.

He was also sacked three times. Two of those he should have at least seen coming. On the first sack where he was absolutely destroyed, he completely kept his focus on the left side of the field and never saw the blitz. Sorry, but that’s Rex’s fault. Staring in the direction you want to throw the ball is either going to result in an interception or a sack. Another sack that came off a blitz from the same side had the same results. He continued to keep his focus on one side of the field. You can argue missed blocks all you want, but Rex still should have seen or felt the blitz coming. Good quarterbacks would, at least.

The only bright spot was the fact he completed almost 50% of his passes. Unfortunately, 145 yards passing isn’t going to get the job done when your running game is absent.

Look, I’m not saying Brian Griese is the answer, but Rex is obviously not. At least give Griese a shot. He could do just as bad and then everyone can realize Rex is the only option for now. But continuing to coddle Rex and make excuses for him is simply being stubborn. 

This isn’t a marriage, you didn’t make any vows to stand beside each other through thick and thin, till death do you part. Hell, even if it was a marriage and my quaterback was Katie who played just as shitty I’d tell her, “Sorry babe, but I have to bench your ass. Go grab me a Gatorade.”

At this point I’m going to start thinking this is some conspiracy and the Bears are worried Griese will play better. Then the questions of “Could Griese have won the Super Bowl?” will start to emerge and that will be another train wreck.

I hope the Bengals can play a little better tonight and give me something to look forward to this season.  Because right now, while the Bears still might make the playoffs given they’re in a shitty league, they’ll more than likely be one and done come January.

I actually miss Cincinnati. At least the fans there would refuse to put up with this type of bullshit. They might deal with it, but you wouldn’t hear them making excuses.

Fantasy Football: Sex Cannons Season Preview

Kwummy September 4th, 2007

I’m in two fantasy football leagues this year. One with some friends and the other with some random douches.

The one with my friends had its draft on Friday. I had to miss it and, of course, the auto-draft was so-so. Below is my team. It’s a league of 10 teams so it will be pretty competitive.

Team Name: Sex Cannons 

Starters
QB - Phillip Rivers
WR - T.J. Houshmandzadeh
WR - Anaquan Boldin
WR - Andre Johnson
RB - Joseph Addai
RB - Willie Parker
TE - Tony Gonzalez
K - Jeff Wilkins
DEF - Pittsburgh

Bench
QB - Eli Manning
WR - Ronald Curry
WR - Kevin Curtis
WR - Drew Bennett
TE - Desmond Clark
RB - Jamal Lewis
RB - DeAngelo Williams
K - Josh Scobee
DEF - St. Louis

I’m satisfied with my QBs.  I think Rivers will be decent enough and I’ll only have to use Manning on the weekends the Chargers have a bye. Rivers doesn’t throw a lot of picks (especially compared to Manning) and I think the Chargers will be a Super Bowl caliber team this year.

I’m nervous about my RBs. Parker should be solid this year as he has almost no competition, but he can be injury prone. Addai had 7 touchdowns last year, but none in the last four games of the regular season. He averaged less than 70 yards per game on the ground. I guess that’s not horrible for a rookie and he was a decent fantasy back when all was said and done. I’m also worried about Jamal Lewis being able to produce with the Browns. He’s starting on my bench for just that reason.

Houshmandzadeh and Boldin make a great one-two punch at WR, but the other four I have to choose from to start are pretty pathetic. At least all three starters had over 1,000 years receiving last year. Meh. I have one of the best fantasy TEs so I guess I can’t complain too much. However, KC’s QB still leaves a lot to be desired so I don’t know how effective Gonzalez will be this year.

My two defenses are average at best and both were ranked out of the top 10 in terms of fantasy points scored by defenses last year. Buffalo’s defense is available, I might go after them and tell St. Louis to GTFO.

All in all, I don’t think I much of a shot at winning the whole damn thing. Maybe someone will pop up on the FA wire or someone like Addai and Johnson might just end up playing past their potential. It could be a long year for the Sex Cannons.

My other team (i can has HGH?) drafts on Wednesday. I’ll be around for that one.

Summer is officially over (Oh, and I’m back)

Kwummy September 4th, 2007

Had fun this weekend. Did a little skiing but mostly just relaxed. I forgot to put sun screen on my legs so they’re a little red. Oh, and the mosquitoes were fucking vicious so I probably also have West Nile.

Good times.

Closing the lake house (owned by Katie’s parents)  every year always signifies summer’s end. It’s always kind of depressing because it feels like we just opened it. Time flies by too fast. Family will still get together throughout the winter, but it’s just not the same. It’s always nice looking forward to lazy days at the lake after a hectic week at work.

But that’s enough emo talk. Let’s play catch up.

My friend Erech had no running waterfor about 12 hours on Thursday. I found this highly ironic considering he was poking fun at the fact I could not make poops in my own toliet and then flush said poops. As he so eloquently put it, I hope he had fun shooting his “proton stream” at Jenny’s “turds.”

I missed quite an exciting opening to the college football season. Appalachian State beat Michigan and Georgia Tech routed Notre Dame. It was hilarious to see that Notre Dame used all three QBs in the loss. Football also signals the end of summer as the NFL also kicks off this week. I’ll be watching to see how soon Rex collapses for the Bears and if the Bengals are going to be as bad as they were in the preseason.

I finally got to play Blue Dragon last night. I am liking it so far. The game has gotten hammered for it’s pathetic story, but I find it a little intriguing up to this point. The voice acting is good, but the dialogue is downright laughable. I can understand the criticism for the game’s lack of character development.  I’m about 4 hours in so I can’t give any good impressions. My ultimate worry is it will become too repetitive, which is death for an RPG. I’ll try to post some impressions if I ever get 10+ hours in. To this point, however, I think it’s been money well spent. I just have a feeling when Oblivion GOTY, Eternal Sonata and Halo 3 drop (all this month, mind you) I’ll forget all about Blue Dragon.

I guess that’s about it. I really, really needed that mini vacation.

Briggs story gets weirder; ESPN Radio host condones actions

Kwummy August 29th, 2007

Saw this on Deadspin today.

Someone snapped a picture of of what is supposedly Briggs’ Lamborghini about 10:30 in the South Loop. Said the anonymous reader:

…dude kept blowing through stoplights at 100mph, only to have my slow ass pull up behind him at the next light every time, which was funny.

I’m telling you folks, Briggs and the Bears are both hiding the fact he was drunk. He needs to man up to his mistake and take the consequences. Don’t want to hurt yourself or the team? Hey, don’t fucking drink and drive.

To make it better, that jackass Harry Teinowitz from the Mac, Jurko and Harry on ESPN Radio 1000 in Chicago said yesterday that he has no problem with Briggs running from the scene because it benefits the team. Had Briggs been arrested for DUI he would have faced an automatic 4-game suspension.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I fired off an email to ESPN Radio 1000 management telling them I’m boycotting the station until they fire his sorry ass. How can you have this dickwad get on the radio and basically tell people (including kids) that, hey, it’s okay if you run from the scene of an accident as long as you don’t hurt anyone.

He tried to back peddle once the angry calls started coming in but he still held his ground saying that Briggs did the right thing by not jeopardizing his playing time or the mental make-up of the Bears. He actually praised Briggs for thinking of himself and the team.

I was beyond shock when I heard that yesterday. I mean I was pissed.  What Briggs did was wrong and what Teinowitz said was wrong. The last thing we need is more drunk drivers on the road  knowing that if they get in an accident all they have to do is run and everything will be okay.

If I had any real motivation I’d picket outside ESPN Radio 1000’s offices until Teinowitz came out and then I’d punch his fat ass in the face and stick my sign up his ass.

Instead I’ll just blog about it.

 And done.

KSK post on Lance Briggs and his wrecked Lamborghini

Kwummy August 28th, 2007

The Monday Morning Punter over at KSK has another Brian Urlacher “I’m Sorry” post up. This time the target is none other than Mr. Franchise, Lance Briggs.

This comment to the post is one of my favorites:

Actually, the guy kinda seems like a genius. He left the scene of the accident and by the time the cops figured out it was his car, it was too late (supposedly) to check his BAC. So he gets off with a measly $1000 fine. I wonder who he called first after stumbling out of his wrecked car, his lawyer or his manager?

According to the story: Bears coach Lovie Smith indicated the team will not discipline Briggs, whose “spirits were good for being in a one-car accident.”

I like how he lets us all know that they’re not disciplining Briggs, in case anyone was worried about that. Why would they? Do they have a strict no-trashing-your-Lamborghini policy up there?

I’m sure the unobjective Bears fan sees this as a “no harm, no foul” situation, but you’re delusional if you don’t think this story smells something fierce.

[Update - Sports Frog also has a post up about a David Haugh article.

I have to agree: this is denial at its finest. Refusing to talk about the situation just proves Lance was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. If he simply lost control of his car because he was stuffing a Big Mac in his face or texting one of his girlfriends then he would have said it. Instead, they’re trying to sweep it under the rug.

Stay classy, Chicago.]

I’ll copy and paste the actual KSK post for the lazy after the jump.

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Top 10 reasons Rex Grossman sucks at football

Kwummy August 27th, 2007

10. He went to college in Florida. I kid; Florida is an awesome state. For example, 1 in 2 men in Downtown Orlando carry guns
9. His hands are better suited to wrap around a girls waist than a football
8. His career QB rating in the NFL is 72%. Last year, his 73.9% rating was good enough for 51st among all QBs
7. 4% of his passes result in touchdowns while 4% of his throws also result in interceptions. No one quite knows where the other 92% land
6. He was third in number of interceptions thrown in 2006. Had he thrown two more he would have been tied with the great John Kitna for second. You’ll get ‘em this year, Rex
5. One word: Rexettes
4. When it counts, Rex is no where to be found. In 2006 regular season  games where the Bears either lost or won by no more than 10 points (8 games), Rex had a rating of 50.6, threw 16 interceptions and only 5 touchdowns. He also lost 5 fumbles
3. He’d rather party than study game tape
2. He has more nicknames than Michael Vick (Sex Cannon, The Cumslinger, Sexy Rexy, Rex Glassman, Wrecks Grossman, et.al)

And the #1 reason Rex Grossman sucks at football is…after the jump! 

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Stephen A. Smith stripped of column; Bonds’ home run ball to be sold

Kwummy August 22nd, 2007

Two hilarious stories wrapped up in one post? It must be Christmas! Check out how Stephan A. Smith got demoted and what else Matt Murphy is selling besides the infamous 756 ball.

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