Archive for the 'Morans' Category

Customer service is dead

Kwummy February 11th, 2008

It’s dead people. It’s fucking dead.

I’m not saying you can’t get good customer service at all, but for the most part customer service is no longer a priority to most companies. And if it is a priority to the company, it sure as hell isn’t to the employee. I understand it’s hard to make a living making only $6.50/hour, but don’t take your problems out on me because you suck at life.

I’m at Walgreens and there are only two people on the registers and the lines are 8-10 deep at each register. Nevermind the fact a manager is sitting behind the counter just watching the line grow (God forbid the jackass open a register), but the line I’m in has the whiny employee. You know the one. The one who would rather complain how tired she is and how she can’t wait to get home because she’s worked her obligatory 7 hour shift. And it’s not really her complaining that bothers me (although it is proof why she can’t get a REAL job). It’s the fact this broad can’t multi-task for shit. She can’t talk and push buttons at the same time. So while the other line dwindles, my line is held up by this idiot yapping her jaw.

No one cares anymore. There used to be a time when you could actually get service at your Best Buy, Walgreens and Sears. The only place I really get customer service is at a restaurant and that’s probably only because the whore in the apron is working off of tips. If she didn’t care about her 20% I’m sure she’d be telling me to go fuck myself too. But even then there have been waiters and waitresses that don’t even care. It’s gotten to the point where I’d rather buy my stuff online then deal with these shenanigans in the store.

So what happened? Why don’t they give a shit anymore? Your thoughts in the comments.

Compared to Florida, Chicago not all that bad

Kwummy October 12th, 2007

I browse Fark.com on a regular basis because it’s my idea of the perfect news site. I hate reading or watching the news because it’s always the same bullshit. With Fark, they only report the most ridiculous news.

Take for instance these news stories about Florida all from today’s news.

And that’s just from this morning. Imagine what goodness we will grace us with by the afternoon.  

Oh Florida, I wish I could quit you.

Stay classy, Cubs fans

Kwummy October 9th, 2007

So, it’s Saturday afternoon. The Cubs are about to face the Diamondbacks in an elimination game. You throw on your Ronnie Woo Woo jersey, grab your Starbucks triple soy milk cafe latte and bust out your Blackberry to email your friends to decide where you want to go for the game.

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The British are impatient when it comes to laundry

Kwummy October 1st, 2007

So, I had an interesting Sunday morning. Read about how I locked myself out of my apartment while doing laundry and almost beat the crap out of a British dude over said laundry.

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Attn: Cubs fans

Kwummy September 28th, 2007

Shut. Up. You still think that if the Cubs make it to the post season they actually have a chance of winning? They can’t even win a single game in Miami and you think they could win a 5 game series against the best teams in the N.L.?

Here’s the Cubs record this year against possible teams they’d face in the divisional series:

  • Philadelphia: 3-4 (1-2 on the road)
  • Arizona: 2-4 (1-2 on the road)
  • New York: 2-5 (1-3 on the road)
  • San Diego: 3-5 (1-2 on the road)
  • Colorado: 5- 2 (2-2 on the road)

Yeah, that’s right folks: the Cubs have a losing record against every single team except the Rockies. Combined, the Cubs are 15-20 against N.L. playoff contenders.

Oh, and your best pitcher? The one you’re paying more than $90 million for? Yeah, he’s 3-6 in the last 10 games with a 5.64 ERA. That includes a streak of six straight outings in which he failed to get a win.

The Cubs can barely win one of the shittiest divisions in baseball and you think they’re going to win a series in the post season?

Good luck with that. I laugh at you.

The Rex Grossman conspiracy

Kwummy September 26th, 2007

By now, anyone interested in the NFL has heard that the Chicago Bears will reportedly start Brian Griese at quarterback on Sunday against the Detroit Lions. What many are asking at this point is, “why?” Why did it take so long to do something that some people thought should have happened over a year ago.

Because the Bears front office is full of monkeys. And not even the cute monkeys. I’m talking about the ugly monkeys that through poop at each other.

Last year an easy schedule, better offensive play calling and a practically injury-free defense allowed the Grossman PR train to keep chugging along. Brainwashed fans kept buying tickets and they would hop aboard a train that made all of the stops except the last one: a Super Bowl victory. Continue Reading »

I think we can officially kiss the Olympics goodbye

Kwummy September 11th, 2007

It’s been a Tuesday full of CTA bashing. Why stop now?

According to an article on the Chicago Tribune homepage, the CTA has been “slammed” in a report that began after a derailment and subsequent fire on the Blue Line injured more than 100 people back in 2006.

Here are some of my favorite pieces of information from the article. All are direct quotes from the article. I added nothing.

Gerald Weeks, the chief of the board’s human performance and survival factors division, said the CTA is:

…a case study in organizational accidents. 

Missing records were rather frequent:

More than 80 percent of inspection records were missing for the Blue Line, the board’s report noted. CTA tracks are supposed to be inspected twice a week, but one track inspector told a safety board investigator that he had inspected his assigned area only once in five months, the report said.

Details of the CTA outright lying in said reports:

In many other instances, investigators found that inspection reports were falsified to indicate that track was inspected when in fact it was not, the report said.

CTA the “worst [of] any U.S. transit agency”:

“The track had clearly been deteriorating for a long time. It did not happen overnight,” said Bob Chipkevich, director of the safety board’s office of railroad, pipeline and hazardous materials investigations. He said the conditions found at the CTA were the worst he has seen at any U.S. transit agency.

CTA too lazy to care about how their tracks are inspected:

…CTA employees were required to pull double-duty–working as both track maintainers and track inspectors, creating a conflict of interest.

I’m not one to typically get fired up about something like this, but who is going to take accountability for this? The entire city, especially those that ride public transportation should be outraged. Where has all the money gone that they’ve received in the past either from the government or tax payers? It obviously hasn’t gone to fix tracks or improve service. And now they want to moan and bitch about not having enough money? No wonder no one wants to give them a dime. They don’t do shit with the money they already have.

Kiss the Olympics goodbye, Chicago. I don’t really know who is to blame here, but this city doesn’t deserve to host a little league baseball game, let alone the summer Olympics.

And people wonder why Chicago is shit on when “Best U.S. Cities” are announced.

I’m also tired of people saying, “it’s public transportation, get used to it because it’s like that everywhere.” Well, when someone says

…the conditions found at the CTA were the worst… seen at any U.S. transit agency

I think it’s safe to say you’ve been proven otherwise.

Chicago: the city of a thousand excuses.

If the city of Chicago was a person…

Kwummy September 11th, 2007

… I’d kick it in the nuts.  Read why after the jump.

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Study shows 92% of Chicago is annoying

Kwummy September 7th, 2007

Sept. 7 (Chicago) - A shocking study just released by Kwummy Unified Neurological Testing (KUNT) shows that 71% of Chicagoans are stupid while 21% are considered ”yuppies.” Combined, the two groups make up more than 90% of the Chicago population.

Read the full story and see the poll after the jump.

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My letter to the CTA; Tribune

Kwummy August 30th, 2007

The Tribune has a publication they distribute during the week called RedEye. It’s free and generally found outside train stations and bus depots. It’s actually a good publication, geared toward those in the 18-34 demo.

They have a weekly column in which people complain about the different problems with the CTA. Below is mine, sent today.  I wanted to be more vulgar, but I knew if I did that it wouldn’t get printed. I want to see if this gets printed.

The letter after the jump.

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Briggs story gets weirder; ESPN Radio host condones actions

Kwummy August 29th, 2007

Saw this on Deadspin today.

Someone snapped a picture of of what is supposedly Briggs’ Lamborghini about 10:30 in the South Loop. Said the anonymous reader:

…dude kept blowing through stoplights at 100mph, only to have my slow ass pull up behind him at the next light every time, which was funny.

I’m telling you folks, Briggs and the Bears are both hiding the fact he was drunk. He needs to man up to his mistake and take the consequences. Don’t want to hurt yourself or the team? Hey, don’t fucking drink and drive.

To make it better, that jackass Harry Teinowitz from the Mac, Jurko and Harry on ESPN Radio 1000 in Chicago said yesterday that he has no problem with Briggs running from the scene because it benefits the team. Had Briggs been arrested for DUI he would have faced an automatic 4-game suspension.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I fired off an email to ESPN Radio 1000 management telling them I’m boycotting the station until they fire his sorry ass. How can you have this dickwad get on the radio and basically tell people (including kids) that, hey, it’s okay if you run from the scene of an accident as long as you don’t hurt anyone.

He tried to back peddle once the angry calls started coming in but he still held his ground saying that Briggs did the right thing by not jeopardizing his playing time or the mental make-up of the Bears. He actually praised Briggs for thinking of himself and the team.

I was beyond shock when I heard that yesterday. I mean I was pissed.  What Briggs did was wrong and what Teinowitz said was wrong. The last thing we need is more drunk drivers on the road  knowing that if they get in an accident all they have to do is run and everything will be okay.

If I had any real motivation I’d picket outside ESPN Radio 1000’s offices until Teinowitz came out and then I’d punch his fat ass in the face and stick my sign up his ass.

Instead I’ll just blog about it.

 And done.

I’ve told you a thousand times: Poise counts!

Kwummy August 28th, 2007

It’s all over the net now, but I just had to make a post about it. This kind of funny isn’t seen every day.

For those of you who have not seen Miss Teen South Carolina give the reason as to why 1 in 5 U.S. students cannot find America on the map, I direct you here. If you find yourself growing light-headed you can view this version with subtitles.

Also, do yourself a favor and check out her profile. And, of course, lest we forget, there are also pictures. [Those links all via Deadspin).

I hate to say it, but this is pretty much why hot girls need to keep their mouths shut. She could probably also stand to eat a cheeseburger or two.

Miraculously, she still finished in third. However, she seemed to have left her poise back at the ranch. Had she listened to the advice of Cosmo Kramer, she may have pulled out a victory.

There are also the “that poor girl” stories and remarks popping up all over the place calling those of us who poke fun at her fat virgins.  Whatever, I’m sure after she’s finished giving all the children of Iraq, Asia and South Africa maps she’ll be serving you drinks at Applebees.

But yeah, I’m sure I would have been a much better student in school had I just got myself a map.

Damn.

[Update - Lauren Caitlin has recently re-answered the million dollar question. Her reply:

Well personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map. I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t. And if the statistics are correct, I believe there should be more emphasis on geography.

Our map? Seriously, someone get this broad to STFU.]

Hot teacher does not take you videotaping her as a compliment

Kwummy August 27th, 2007

I stumbled upon this story earlier today about a former teacher, Keri image_sor5nu.jpgMcIntyre, who is outraged at a video of her that showed up on YouTube. (And before you go scouring YouTube for the video - it has already been removed. Rumor has that it’s on MySpace somewhere).

The alleged video zooms in on McIntyre’s, um, “features” several times over the course of a few minutes while playing “Hot for the Teacher” by Van Halen.  Supposedly she is wearing some fairly tight, white pants that reveal the fact she is also wearing a thong. I don’t know about you, but it’s hard to look good in white pants. Kudos to her!

In her own words:

The video was three and a half minutes of me. It would go to my face, to my butt, to my face…And then he had his fun zooming in to my butt.

At first I felt a little sorry for her. I don’t know many teachers that wear pants like that, but she still shouldn’t have to worry about someone videotaping her while at a graduation ceremony.

Then I read the “About Me” section of her MySpace page [emphasis mine]: 

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Bake 4 mae pls

Kwummy August 23rd, 2007

Here are some random thoughts of the morning:

  • I saw a bakery on Clark St. this morning called Bake for Me. The owner claims “we don’t take ourselves too seriously.” So, in that case, I think he should change the name of the place to Bake 4 Mae Pls! I think most would agree, yes?
  • What’s with the new trend of 22-year olds running around with Blackberries? I find it very hard to believe that, at 22, you are so important you need to have a Blackberry. Even worse, are the dudes that have them in a case on their belt as if it’s some kind of badge. Some of these kids need a good ass kicking.
  • Staying on the yuppie topic, I’m getting kind of sick of these trixies on the bus that have huge-ass bags. This one next to me today kept slamming into my ribs. Not only that, she also had a purse with her and a shopping bag. So, altogether this bitch has three bags.  I’m guessing she needs all that space to fit her ego.
  • Did anyone see that the Texas Rangers scored 30 runs last night against the Orioles? I think if you give up 30 runs in one game it’s best you just close up shop and move on to something else. Baseball is obviously not your thing.

I’m thinking of picking up Bioshock after work and holding off on Blue Dragon and Two Worlds until they’re cheaper. Honestly, though, I think Blue Dragon is worth $60 more than Bioshock. Blue Dragon’s campaign clocks in at 50 hours while Bioshock I think is around 20. It’s getting so hard any more to justify spending $60 on a video game.

The only game I’ve bought for the 360 that I thought was worth $60 was Oblivion, and I’m definately picking up the GOTY edition next month. Eternal Sonata might be the second to wear that crown. We’ll see.