Archive for the 'Health' Category
Ten signs that you might be a trixie
Kwummy October 4th, 2007
Yesterday we explored the horrible disease known as douchebagnamonia. Today we’ll explore the related disease that is most often found in women called trixieoma. Known as trixies, women with this disease can often act like their male counterpart, but some of the symptoms are different.
For those of you unaware of what a trixie is, I point you in the direction of this Wikipedia entry:
Trixies are typically depicted as “social climbing, marriage-minded, money-hungry young ladies that seem to flock to the upwardly-mobile neighborhood of Lincoln Park. Another description calls them “the women with Kate Spade bags for every day of the week; the ex-sorority girls still lusting after big, dumb jocks; the women who go to law school to find husbands.”
They’re extremely easy to spot and oftentimes can be even more annoying that those effected by douchebagnomonia. But, before we go into the symptoms, it’s important to note again what to do if you find yourself having any of the signs of trixieoma.
Chances are that if you exhibit only one or two symptoms you are not a trixie. However, I would print out this checklist and continue to monitor your symptoms. If you do exhibit more than one symptom it is best to try and get the necessary treatment lest you become a stupid bimbo.
If you exhibit between 3-5 symptoms I would consult your physician immediately. In the most severe cases both clinical rehabilitation and medicinal treatment is required. The sooner you act the sooner you can get better.
Unfortunately, women that show more than five symptoms of this disease are not riduculed like males who show the same number of symptoms of douchebagnamonia. A full-fledged trixie is often a favorite target of the male population. What typically occurs is a full-fledged trixie ends up marrying and procreating with a full-fledged douchebag. They go on to create an army of trixie and douchebag children and the cycle continues.
This is also just another reason to allow abortion, but that’s a topic for another day.
ANYWAY, as you can imagine, trixies must be stopped before the world is overpopulated with these creatures. Since a trixie is too stupid to see the symptoms herself, it’s important you be on the lookout for them. If you have a friend who starts to show the signs of trixieoma it’s best you get help for them immediately.
The ten symptoms after the break.
Ten signs that you might be a douchebag
Kwummy October 3rd, 2007
Below are are the ten most common signs and symptoms of douchebagnamonia. It is important to note that the disease is rarely seen in women. However, women have a similar disease but with different signs and symptoms. It is called Trixieoma. We’ll explore the problems of that disease tomorrow. Today we’ll just focus on douchebagnamonia.
Chances are that if you exhibit only one or two signs you are not a douchebag. However, I would print out this checklist and continue to monitor your symptoms. If you do exhibit more than one symptom it is best to try and get the necessary treatment before you spiral out of control.
If you exhibit between 3-5 symptoms I would consult your physician immediately. In the most severe cases both clinical rehabilitation and medicinal treatment is required. The sooner you act the sooner you can get better.
For those that show more than 5 signs it’s probably best that you kill yourself. Oftentimes when a person shows that many symptoms it’s typically not long before someone finally gets so annoyed by your disease that they beat the crap out of you. Therefore it’s recommended that you simply do the world a favor and take care of it yourself.
Unfortunately, douchebagnamonia is not 100% curable. There is always the chance that the disease could resurface. Most people that are diagnosed a second time show different symptoms. That is why it is important to always monitor yourself and make changes to your lifestyle the second you start to become a douchebag. Scientists are baffled as to how the disease hides in the system. Current speculation is that it attaches to the bloodstream and renders itself undetectable.
Continue reading to see if you show any signs of this horrible disease.