New logo for administering the heimlich maneuver
Kwummy October 17th, 2007
Got this in an email today…
Archive for the 'Funnies' Category
The British are impatient when it comes to laundry
Kwummy October 1st, 2007
So, I had an interesting Sunday morning. Read about how I locked myself out of my apartment while doing laundry and almost beat the crap out of a British dude over said laundry.
Create you own shitty horror movie with this play set
Kwummy September 28th, 2007
For just $14.95 plus shipping you can create your own horror movie with this little play set. 
From the description:
We provide the victims, you provide the terror! Each dramatic play set includes nine 2-1/2″ to 3″ tall, hard vinyl victims captured in utterly terrified poses! Are they reacting to the advances of a giant, man-eating alpaca or the sight of your grandma in her nightgown and curlers? The possibilities are endless!
The site has quite the variety of other action figures, too.
[Original Source: The Daily Galaxy]
Oh, Pittsburgh
Kwummy September 19th, 2007
Erech, what is wrong with your city?
Santa Claus he’s not, but it didn’t stop Alejandro Valencio from trying to surprise the woman he called his girlfriend.
Yup, you guessed it. The dude was drunk and got stuck. Firefighters had to “rip open the wall” to get him out.
Oh, and it’s also September, not December. Dude’s about three months early.
His girlfriend got so pissed she hit him and even said to the firefighters:
I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die
Make sure you go to the story to check out the awesome video of his girlfriend hitting him with a trash can and beer bottles.
A winner is you, Pittsburgh!
Going to see ‘Family Guy Live’ tomorrow night
Kwummy September 14th, 2007
I mentioned it before, but I thought I’d mention it again because this is my site and I can pretty much do whatever it is I want.
For those of you who do not know, here’s some quick info on what Family Guy Live is:
FAMILY GUY LIVEbrings together The ENTIRE cast of Seth MacFarlane’s Emmy Award-winning animated comedy series for a one of a kind live stage event like no other!
After sell-out performances in Montreal, New York and Los Angeles, the sensational voices behind the Griffin family will perform an uncensored live reading of a classic episode hand-picked by MacFarlane himself and featuring bonus material never before seen on FOX. In addition, the unique live stage show includes the cast performing some of the most memorable musical numbers from the series as well as a Q&A with the cast and creators of the series — where fans will have the opportunity to find out everything they ever wanted to know about the show but never had the chance to ask.
Katie and I have tickets to the 7 PM show. We’re pretty excited. We have no idea what episode they’ll be reading from, but it’s supposed to be one of MacFarlane’s favorites.
To be honest, I don’t know how awesome that portion will be. I’m sure it will be amusing to actually see each person do multiple character voices, but it just won’t be the same without seeing some of the wacky animation.
The Q&A could go either way, but I’m guessing most of the audience will have some really stupid questions to ask. For example, ”So, like, how did you learn to do all those voices?” or “Can the family understand Stewie or not?!!?!?”
We have upper balcony seats so we won’t be close, but we’ll be right in the middle. We should have a good view. I’ve never been in the historic Chicago Theater so that should be interesting, too.
I’ll let you know how it went.
The CTA makes people push babies
Kwummy September 11th, 2007
I was “Googling” around for some awesome CTA rants and found this gem on Craigslist. The bus this dude is ranting about is the same bus I take. It was posted two years ago. Seems the CTA hasn’t fixed jack shit in those two years.
Maybe I should just make this blog a Public Transporation Rant blog. That would sell, yeah? Have people post their horror stories and we can all have a giggle?
The full post after the jump.
- Rants , Chicago , Life , Funnies
- Comments(1)
Top 10 ICHC posts of the week (9/3 - 9/9)
Kwummy September 10th, 2007
Wow, this was a tough week. Maybe doing this wasn’t such a good idea. You could almost make an argument that most of these could be #1. I also had to leave a few good ones out of the top 10 as well.
Anyway, I’ll try to break down teh kittehs after the jump.
Study shows 92% of Chicago is annoying
Kwummy September 7th, 2007
Sept. 7 (Chicago) - A shocking study just released by Kwummy Unified Neurological Testing (KUNT) shows that 71% of Chicagoans are stupid while 21% are considered ”yuppies.” Combined, the two groups make up more than 90% of the Chicago population.
Read the full story and see the poll after the jump.
- Real Journalism , Morans , Science , Life , Funnies
- Comments(1)
Top 10 ICHC pics of the week
Kwummy September 4th, 2007
I figured it’s about time someone took their 10 favorite pictures of the week from icanhascheezburger.com and compiled them into a meaningless Top 10 post. I’ll do this every week just because I can. If you’re lucky and nice, I might even pick my favorite 10 for the month.
Check out the top 10 for the week of August 26 - September 1 after the jump.
I’ve told you a thousand times: Poise counts!
Kwummy August 28th, 2007
It’s all over the net now, but I just had to make a post about it. This kind of funny isn’t seen every day.
For those of you who have not seen Miss Teen South Carolina give the reason as to why 1 in 5 U.S. students cannot find America on the map, I direct you here. If you find yourself growing light-headed you can view this version with subtitles.
Also, do yourself a favor and check out her profile. And, of course, lest we forget, there are also pictures. [Those links all via Deadspin).
I hate to say it, but this is pretty much why hot girls need to keep their mouths shut. She could probably also stand to eat a cheeseburger or two.
Miraculously, she still finished in third. However, she seemed to have left her poise back at the ranch. Had she listened to the advice of Cosmo Kramer, she may have pulled out a victory.
There are also the “that poor girl” stories and remarks popping up all over the place calling those of us who poke fun at her fat virgins. Whatever, I’m sure after she’s finished giving all the children of Iraq, Asia and South Africa maps she’ll be serving you drinks at Applebees.
But yeah, I’m sure I would have been a much better student in school had I just got myself a map.
Damn.
[Update - Lauren Caitlin has recently re-answered the million dollar question. Her reply:
Well personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map. I don’t know anyone else who doesn’t. And if the statistics are correct, I believe there should be more emphasis on geography.
Our map? Seriously, someone get this broad to STFU.]
Hot teacher does not take you videotaping her as a compliment
Kwummy August 27th, 2007
I stumbled upon this story earlier today about a former teacher, Keri 
McIntyre, who is outraged at a video of her that showed up on YouTube. (And before you go scouring YouTube for the video - it has already been removed. Rumor has that it’s on MySpace somewhere).
The alleged video zooms in on McIntyre’s, um, “features” several times over the course of a few minutes while playing “Hot for the Teacher” by Van Halen. Supposedly she is wearing some fairly tight, white pants that reveal the fact she is also wearing a thong. I don’t know about you, but it’s hard to look good in white pants. Kudos to her!
In her own words:
The video was three and a half minutes of me. It would go to my face, to my butt, to my face…And then he had his fun zooming in to my butt.
At first I felt a little sorry for her. I don’t know many teachers that wear pants like that, but she still shouldn’t have to worry about someone videotaping her while at a graduation ceremony.
Then I read the “About Me” section of her MySpace page [emphasis mine]:
Top 10 reasons Rex Grossman sucks at football
Kwummy August 27th, 2007
10. He went to college in Florida. I kid; Florida is an awesome state. For example, 1 in 2 men in Downtown Orlando carry guns
9. His hands are better suited to wrap around a girls waist than a football
8. His career QB rating in the NFL is 72%. Last year, his 73.9% rating was good enough for 51st among all QBs
7. 4% of his passes result in touchdowns while 4% of his throws also result in interceptions. No one quite knows where the other 92% land
6. He was third in number of interceptions thrown in 2006. Had he thrown two more he would have been tied with the great John Kitna for second. You’ll get ‘em this year, Rex
5. One word: Rexettes
4. When it counts, Rex is no where to be found. In 2006 regular season games where the Bears either lost or won by no more than 10 points (8 games), Rex had a rating of 50.6, threw 16 interceptions and only 5 touchdowns. He also lost 5 fumbles
3. He’d rather party than study game tape
2. He has more nicknames than Michael Vick (Sex Cannon, The Cumslinger, Sexy Rexy, Rex Glassman, Wrecks Grossman, et.al)
And the #1 reason Rex Grossman sucks at football is…after the jump!
GROSS
Kwummy August 23rd, 2007
This note was in the refrigerator at work.
Even better, there’s a note on the fridge that says “If you didn’t bring it, don’t eat it.”
I think we now need a new one that says, “If you didn’t bring it, don’t drink it,” you know, just to keep stuff like this from happening again. The culprit obviously was using the original note to his advantage.
Family Guy Live!
Kwummy August 22nd, 2007
Alright, I’m finally getting around to posting all the shit I wanted to yesterday. Ugh.
Anyway, the wife and I bought tickets to Family Guy Live. Check it out:
“Family Guy Live, which was previously seen in Montreal, at the Just for Laughs Festival, as well as in Los Angeles and New York, will feature the talents of Seth McFarlane, the show’s creator/star, as well as cast members Alex Borstein, Mila Kunis, Seth Green and Mike Henry. They will perform musical numbers from the show, and the event will also include a table read of a “Family Guy” episode, a cast Q&A and a preview of the “Family Guy” season premiere, which will be Star Wars-themed.”
Tickets were not cheap. How does $75 each, for upper balcony sit with you? Lower level tickets all the way in the back were almost $100 each. It was just too hard to pass up, though. Shit like this doesn’t happen every day so I decided it would be worth the dough.
So, who wants to touch me?
Tickets are still available, too. So, if anyone wants to come see it you can stay at my place and we can have a pajama party.