October 19th, 2007 10:21 am

Warning: this post will contain a signifciant amount of spoilers on both the original Transformers movie as well as the most recent movie. I’m not kidding people. If you haven’t seen either one and don’t want it spoiled do not read anything after the break. Seriously. Don’t. 

Let me start off by saying I am nowhere near the biggest Transformers fanboy on the planet. I will not pretend to know and remember everything about the show or the robots. However, don’t think for a second it wasn’t something I loved as a kid. Growing up I had to have every Transformers toy they made. And I had them all, too. My parents weren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I loved Transformers and they would take care of me when it came to stuff I really liked.

I remember getting up every Saturday morning in my feet pajamas to watch the Autobots and Decepticons do battle. (Voltron was another reason I got up early on Saturdays). Maybe that explains my love for sci-fi now, but nevertheless, if any one thing makes me think of my childhood or the 80s it’s the Transformers.

To also prove my affection for the Transformers, I’ll admit something to you, my faithful blog readers (all 2 of you), that less than 5 people on this planet know: when Optimus Prime died in the 1986 Transformers movie, I cried. I may have been only six, but I balled my eyes out right there in the theater. On the way back to the car I was still in shock over what had just happened. I remember walking back to the car very upset. I think it made me hate the movie. I think that because I remember my mom raking me over the coals  for crying at a robot dying in a movie cartoon.

Let’s fast forward to present day where I’m older, but not that much more mature.

I received the Transformers Special Edition DVD from Amazon yesterday. Due to schedule conflicts while it was in theaters I never got to see it on the big screen. I never read reviews that spoiled the movie or explained the plot in detail, but I did read just about everything I could get my hands on. Miraculously, it never did get spoiled for me. In fact, other than learning what everyone hated about the movie, I didn’t really know one thing about the plot or the characters.

I would read a review that said the movie flat-out sucked and then I would read a review that said it was the best movie that person had ever seen. Being the Internet it’s not hard to imagine two extremes of hyperbole; I see it all the time in video game reviews. Even the consensus on Rotten Tomatoes was a 56%.

Most of the complaints people had seemed to be the same across the board. I heard the acting was cheesy, I heard there were plot holes, I heard some of the plot itself was cheesy, I heard it was pretty much just a 2-hour commercial for the toys and Chevrolet and I heard that it didn’t do the Transformers justice.

Maybe because I had read all of this prior to actually seeing the movie it allowed me to go into it with my expectations a little lower. I honestly don’t know. But to me, the movie was absolutely exhilarating. And for the last 20 minutes of the movie I was on the edge of the couch in awe. Ask, Katie; she probably thought I was delusional.

Let’s not forgot one thing though: the robots looked cool as hell. If you ask me, that’s the one thing they couldn’t afford to screw up. Everything from the way they transformerd, to their movements to the different battle scenese were jaw-dropping in my opinion. If my jaw didn’t drop I know my eyes at least went wide.

But yes, the plot was one that required you to scratch your head sometimes. Some parts just made you go “yeah, right.” Like, for example, when Defense Secretary John Keller (played by Jon Voight) pulled out shotguns like he was a friggin’ Navy Seal and started blasting rounds at Soundwave . I mean, can you imagine Rumsfeld or Gates picking up a shotgun and shooting away at a robot alien? I sure can’t.

Speaking of Soundwave, his parts were very cheesy. I think it was intentional, though. Soundwave in the cartoon was always aloof. Like, when he walked off of AirForce One and tip-toed to Barricade it was impossible to believe no one would have seen him and at the same time it just made you laugh. It was cheesy, but comical, I thought.

And yes, the acting ranged from good to absolutely horrible. Even some of the Transformers’ dialogue was cheesy. For example, having Jazz speak as if he was Jay-Z was pretty cliched and stupid.

I also wish they would have stuck with the original robot designs and didn’t advertise Chevrolet and Sony so much. Then again, it is 2007 and that’s not unusual for any movie nowadays.

But you know what? All of that being true didn’t change my feelings for the movie when all was said and done. I thought it was a good pace of action and drama and it left me emotional, which to me, are signs of a good movie.

When the Autobots were standing near the Hoover Dam and Optimus Prime said, “Autobots, transform and roll out!” I had goosebumps. Movies don’t do that to me. Not even horror movies. (Horror movies just make me shit my pants).

And the ending, when I was on the edge of my seat? I really thought Sam was going to stick the AllSpark into Prime’s chest. I knew, I just friggin’ knew, that if Prime died in this movie I was actually going to lose it. How could they do that to me twice? 

But when he stuck the Cube into Megatron’s ches instead I felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I was so emotional from the final battle that when Bumblebee said, “I wish to remain with the boy,” I almost teared up again.

As pathetic and stupid as that may sound, I’m mentioning it because I think the movie did what it set out to do. It brought back all of those memories of my childhood of what it would be like to see a “live” action Transformers film. I can overlook all the bad things about this movie because for two hours it was all right to be a kid again. It was all right to be six and get emotional over robots.

If that doesn’t make me a true Transformers fan, so be it. I don’t really care. I’ll watch the movie again and again. I already plan on watching it again tonight and checking out all the special features that are on the other DVD over the weekend.

I’m also not saying that those of you who thought the movie was bad are crazy or not real Transformers fans either. I understand and even agree with most of your complaints about the movie. For two hours, though, I was never bored and when it ended I wished there was more to see.

To me it was one hell of a ride that I wished would not end.

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