October 3rd, 2007 8:50 am

Below are are the ten most common signs and symptoms of douchebagnamonia. It is important to note that the disease is rarely seen in women. However, women have a similar disease but with different signs and symptoms. It is called Trixieoma. We’ll explore the problems of that disease tomorrow. Today we’ll just focus on douchebagnamonia.

Chances are that if you exhibit only one or two signs you are not a douchebag. However, I would print out this checklist and continue to monitor your symptoms. If you do exhibit more than one symptom it is best to try and get the necessary treatment before you spiral out of control.

If you exhibit between 3-5 symptoms I would consult your physician immediately. In the most severe cases both clinical rehabilitation and medicinal treatment is required. The sooner you act the sooner you can get better.

For those that show more than 5 signs it’s probably best that you kill yourself. Oftentimes when a person shows that many symptoms it’s typically not long before someone finally gets so annoyed by your disease that they beat the crap out of you. Therefore it’s recommended that you simply do the world a favor and take care of it yourself.

Unfortunately,  douchebagnamonia is not 100% curable. There is always the chance that the disease could resurface. Most people that are diagnosed a second time show different symptoms.  That is why it is important to always monitor yourself and make changes to your lifestyle the second you start to become a douchebag. Scientists are baffled as to how the disease hides in the system. Current speculation is that it attaches to the bloodstream and renders itself undetectable.

Continue reading to see if you show any signs of this horrible disease.  

1. You have a Blackberry but don’t really need one
2. You pop the collar on your polo
3. You carry more than $100 in your wallet (Note: does not apply to those on vacation, etc).
4. You smoke
5. Your sunglasses cover half your face
6. You’re a Cubs fan
7. You drink Starbucks on a daily basis
8. When you meet someone you give them your nickname instead of your real name (e.g. “Hi, I’m Nutters. Nice to meet you” )
9. You wear more than one piece of jewelry (Note: exceptions are made if you’re married and wear a wedding ring and one other piece of jewelry)
10. You enjoy hearing yourself talk

• Health , Science