Kwummy September 6th, 2007

I just got my annual review at my job today. I knew what to expect going into it, but actually seeing it on paper is a little comical (read: shitty).

We are rated in different sections on a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being “Exceptional” and 1 being “Unsatisfactory.” I was told beforehand that “no one will get a 5.” It was explained to me that there is always room for improvement somewhere. (This was delegated by our boss, not by the company).

It didn’t really hit me until now just how absurd that statement is. They’re basically telling us that no matter how hard we try, we’ll never be exceptional here. So what’s the point of trying? Where’s the motivation?

Oh, and here’s the kicker. The final review score determines our annual raise. So, yes, they purposely make sure we don’t get “5s” so that they don’t have to increase our pay dramatically. I was told it would actually reflect poorly on us if we all got such great scores that the team was delegated a large annual raise. We would look like we don’t need to improve.

Hey, here’s a fucking cookie for you: If I know that working my ass off is going to get me nothing but shit for a raise, why don’t I just sit around with my thumb up my ass and create my own raise?

Here’s an example of a category I got a “4″ in:

Do the Right Thing 

Description: In any job, but especially in this industry, the bottom line is integrity and trustworthiness. When in doubt, ask.

Not once, in 9 months here, has this been an issue. Way to make someone feel even shittier by refusing to give them a 5 in such an easy category! Holy fuck a monkey could have scored a 5 there.

How about this juicy nugget:

Achievement Motivation 

Description: Actively works toward goals, effectively using all available human, material, and financial resources to achieve optimal results.

I only scored a “3” on this. Yet, I scored a “4” on:

Efficiency

Description: Makes an effort to find simpler, faster, and less costly ways to accomplish tasks in a productive manner.

They’re practically the same fucking thing! Surely I am dreaming, yeah?

My entire review score was a 3.50.  That puts me somewhere on their “scale” between “Meets Expectations” and “Highly Effective.”

Pretty much I am “highly effective at meeting expectations.”

So, piss on that.

• Rants , WTF , Work
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